when marriage isn’t what you thought it would be

I’m gonna be pretty real, open, and honest with you.

marriage

Now before you get all crazy this isn’t a post bashing my husband or my marriage. He actually is the one who encouraged me to write about it. Now, I’m by no means an expert on marriage but I think it’s important for those that are married to share their experiences with others who are married or may someday be married. By sharing experiences this doesn’t include those who make it out to be a fairytale or those who minimize everyone else’s issues by saying something along the lines of

“Oh you think marriage is hard now just wait until (Insert one of the following: you have kids, you’ve been married for x amount of years, your husband loses his job etc.)”

That is not helpful or encouraging by any means. Every stage of marriage has its difficulties and it’s good times as well. Marriage is quite possibly one of the best and one of the hardest things I’ve experienced all at the same time. I believe we as women, married women, need to lift others up and just be there when one of your friends needs to talk about it without cutting in and sharing your own issues, which usually comes off that you’re minimizing theirs. Listen to them, be in the present, and have open ears.

Now that we have all that settled I want to share what I thought marriage would be and what in reality it is. When I first said this to my husband he of course asked what I meant and what I thought it would be. My response:

“I can’t say that I knew what marriage would be like, what it would hold for us, or how I would feel about it. I really do enjoy being married. Although its only been 6 months I’ve already realized several things I didn’t think about beforehand  that played a bigger role than I anticipated.”

One of my favorite things our pastor said during our pre-marital sessions was the best counseling really happens after you’re married.

Although we agree on many things like our beliefs, values, and morals, we disagree on some things as well. Why is that? These are stupid things, nothing we disagree on is a deal breaker but when it is a topic that constantly comes up it becomes a bigger deal than it truly is.

So what is marriage to me? It’s tough and it definitely takes a lot of work but I think that makes the reward so much bigger. If it was easy, then the reward wouldn’t be worth it. The more you put into it and more work you give it, the more fulfilling it becomes. Just like our relationship with God, if we don’t pursue him daily, our relationship with him is quickly dwindled.

To a certain degree, I’m happy marriage is challenging because I think it has brought my husband and I to a place where we wouldn’t have been if our relationship was just unicorns and rainbows.
The point I’m trying to make is that marriage is a challenge, a challenge that has great rewards if pursued in the way God designed.